It's COLD!!!

It’s cold outside. Like really, really cold. Arctic, wearing-so-many-clothes-you-don’t-care-what-you-look-like cold. Coming to work this morning it was -25C, with a windchill of -32C (that’s -26F for my American friends). But that’s not the worst: by Sunday the windchills are supposed to be around -40C (which is actually also -40F…because temperature conversion is weird)
We are under various alerts and warnings, and have been advised that these windchills can cause frostbite to begin on exposed skin in as little as 10 minutes. The weatherman on TV said last night that Environment Canada is officially giving meteorologists the okay to call this spell a ‘Polar Vortex’. How nice of them. You remember the Polar Vortex, that thing we had last year that froze half of Canada and the Eastern US; and pushed the arrival of spring back a good month or so? Well it’s back…or never really went away. Great. And to top things off, the current forecast is for temps to stay below freezing for the entire month of February – which hasn’t happened in Toronto since 1978 (actually, we haven’t been above 0C/32F since Jan 24th). That’s NOT normal for this city, even in the dead of winter.

Everything is upside down. Out west in southern Alberta – which should usually be closer to the temps we’re currently getting; they’re expecting highs in the teens Celsius today. That’s ABOVE zero. That’s in the 50’s Fahrenheit. Sigh…something is very wrong with this picture. So while the Calgarians sunbathe and play beach volleyball (well they would if they had a beach), those of us in the East are anticipating the arrival of another Ice Age (no, that’s not a scientific observation, just mine).

With that in mind, I’ve put together a selection of the inevitable snow and ice themed news and entertainment we can expect; as Toronto disappears under a glacier for the next several thousand years:

‘Icepocalypse –a Love Story’
'Today on Breakfast Television: How to Permafrost-proof your house’
'Glacial Epoch 5 – Mammoths Reborn!’
'Ice-Quakes – Can We Predict Them?’
'Abominable Snowman or Yeti…what do they really want to be called?’
'Godzilla vs. Mega-Penguin’
'Is Jack Frost the new Superhero?’
Hollywood’s hot new pet: Genetically-engineered mini Polar Bears
'The Little Avalanche That Grew’
'Canada Goose coats displace gold as the new monetary standard’


Should any of those actually see the light of day, please contact me and I’ll advise where to send my royalty cheques.

Anyway…as I said, it’s cold. The type of cold that you simply can’t explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it firsthand. And although I’m certainly not a fan of it, I do get that, well, it’s winter. In Canada. So there’s not a whole hell of a lot I can do about it.

Besides, better to bundle up against extreme windchills than deal with snow, I say. Snow is all very pretty to look at – preferably through a window while you’re nursing a dram beside a roaring fire – and yes, it's helpful for skiers, but in the city it’s rather nasty to function in. They toss road salt with ridiculous abandon to clear sidewalks and roadways, leaving a horrible, dirty, wet, soupy, chemical mess that ruins footwear and the bottoms of your jeans. When it’s too cold for the salt to work (although they keep throwing it down), you instead skate precariously over now super-slippery, solidly-frozen, greyish snow-soup. This results in really fun activities like falling over and breaking your elbow…yes, I speak from experience. Recent experience. (“Could’ve been worse…could’ve been worse…” - that’s become my mantra!)

But now it’s lunchtime, the sun is actually shining (something else we’ve been lacking this winter), the sidewalks are relatively clear before the next snowfall expected tonight and the complete deepfreeze over the weekend. I’m bundling up, and going out for a walk while I can…after all, I’ve got this #MyPeakChallenge to keep up with, and fitness & fresh air is always good - what could go wrong?!

Of course, it IS Friday the 13th….



Toronto, 15 Feb 2015